“Nice Spanish Girls Don’t…” How to Flip the Focus and Just Do YOU

“Nice Spanish girls don’t go away to college.”

“Nice Spanish girls don’t leave the family house before they get married.”

“Nice Spanish girls don’t get divorced.”

Those expectations were hammered into my head since childhood. I lived in a small community of Spaniards in Newark, New Jersey where everyone knew—and talked—about one another. My family always worried about “what would people say.” And that impacted me when it came to certain life decisions:

• I didn’t go away to college—even though the opportunities were there;
• I didn’t move out of my parents’ house until I got married—even though it would’ve been the best thing for me;
• I didn’t seek a divorce early in my marriage—even though I should have.

Instead, I behaved like a “nice Spanish girl”—even though those external expectations were not consistent with who I knew I was inside, or what I was certain was best for me.

This Nice Spanish Girl Finally Had to Said “No Mas”

While my family tried at all costs to stay away from the rumor mill, I eventually became the talk of the town when I finally asked my husband for a divorce after 23 years of marriage. His suicide, just a few weeks later, added grist—and those wagging tongues unleashed an unbearable hell on me. People blamed me for his choice. My reputation in the community was ripped to shreds. Vicious stories spread like wildfire and the heartache from it all nearly destroyed me.

I learned many lessons from that dark chapter. Most importantly, I learned that the belief systems we pick up from society, our culture, and even from those around us are very powerful. They can shape how we behave and the choices we make. Those “social standards” can have us hiding who we truly are—or living our lives based on how the world around us says we “should”—instead of being authentically aligned to our own values, standards, passions, gifts, and talents.

Work on Your Own Dos and Don’ts—Not Others’ Expectations

If we don’t challenge the belief systems we’re “supposed to” live by, we run the risk of missing opportunities to live in integrity—with our inner sense of self. Instead, too many of us go through life feeling unfulfilled—while fulfilling everyone else’s expectations.

What belief systems are you following that, instead of empowering you, are holding you back?

Remember, you have the power to challenge all the “rulebooks.” Even the ones your family passes down to you.

You can give yourself permission to reexamine what has been inculcated in your head about what is “important.” You have the freedom to abandon what society says you should do, or even what you should look like. When you give yourself license to dismiss public opinion, you become liberated from the shackles of those external models of dos and don’ts that enslave you—and hide the real you.

I Can Be My Own Version of a “Nice Spanish Girl”

Like you, I appreciate my family, culture, and heritage. But I have come to realize we don’t have to live by those expectations that aren’t consistent with who we really are.

You owe it to yourself to respectfully disregard any belief systems that have you hiding who your authentic self, and from making choices that are not based on what you believe is best for YOU.

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Learn more about Maria’s story—her challenges, triumphs, and the Fly-High Method she has developed to help you live a more authentic life. Check out her new book, “Fly High!” available on Amazon (and Kindle) and Smashwords.