Ashley was only four years old when she died. Her parents thought she had the flu. And, since they didn’t have the means to pay for a doctor, they treated her symptoms by giving her home remedies. But it wasn’t the flu; it was meningitis. By the time they got her to a hospital, it was too late.

I’ve gone through a lot in my life. But nothing prepared me for what I witnessed while volunteering in Manila. Part of my plan was to help fund programs for sick children in impoverished sections of the capital city and in rural provinces hours away from East Ave. Medical Center.

“What Have I Gotten Myself Into?”

I came across so many heartbreaking cases on that mission to the Philippines. But Ashley’s story hit some really deep chords.

My colleagues told me that I should go to “the viewing.” In my naivety, I assumed it was the typical funeral-home setting where people pay last respects to the family, say a prayer, and move on. But I was in for a real shock.

I got the first hunch that this was going to be different when I was told that I wouldn’t be picked up until around midnight. While the location wasn’t far away, we needed to wait until traffic subsided or we would be stuck for hours.

It was pouring rain when the car picked me up, and the driving conditions were treacherous. We had been traveling through the slums of Manila for about 30 minutes when we came to an abrupt stop in front of a dark alleyway, and the driver announced that we had to make the rest of our journey by foot.

All sorts of thoughts started going through my head at that moment: “Are you really going to walk through a dark alley at this hour of the night?” “Have you lost your mind?” “You’ve done it this time—I can just see the headlines: ‘American missing in Manila without a trace.’”

As the “itty-bitty-shitty committee” in my head kept yelling at me for what my brain called “an insane move,” I noticed a distant light. My inner rant quieted as I tried to make sense of what was in front of us. But, I couldn’t. It was like nothing I had ever seen before—not even in the movies.

A Family’s Resourcefulness in the Face of Abject Grief

Before me was a shack with no door. The dim light I had seen in the distance came from a candelabra borrowed from the local church. A small, white plastic casket sat on the ground with a picture of a beautiful little girl sitting on top. Ashley had a playful smile and a twinkle in her eye that hinted at a touch of mischief. Buckets catching the rain leaking through the roof covered most of the floor, and about a dozen plastic chairs were set up in rows in front of the casket. Ashley’s parents and a grandmother sat on the first row, hunched over with blank stares of pure shock. Two small children slept laying across two chairs against the wall.

But what really caught my attention was the scene outside the shack. There was a tarp that hung across the road. Underneath it, there were tables with dozens of people playing cards.

I couldn’t understand how these two scenes came together. I guess my look of bewilderment was so obvious that someone finally pulled me aside and explained that when people don’t have money to bury their loved ones, they host gambling parties. The winner donates part of the winnings toward the funeral costs. Sometimes, I was told, it takes weeks before a family can raise enough cash.

As I walked back to the car, I was in awe as to how resourceful humans are and how we manage to persevere even during the hardest and most painful times in our lives. But, as a mother, my heart ached for this grieving family. I couldn’t imagine the pain they were going through—and the helplessness they must have felt for not having enough money put their child to rest. With tears in my eyes, and a heart full of gratitude for the life I get to live, I decided to reach into my own pocket to pay for the burial of this little angel.

During that mission to the Philippines, I learned many lessons that have been life-altering. I also gained perspective that shaped my thinking and gave me context for Practice #7 of the Fly-High Method, Help Others Soar Higher. I firmly believe that, in order to reach our fullest potential in life, we must be willing to make a difference in the lives of others.

Will You Help Me Help Others in the Philippines Soar Higher?

In honor of Ashley—and all the sick children and families I served while volunteering in Manila—I am donating all proceeds from the sale of my book this month to programs in the Philippines that help sick children who are stuck in poverty.

This holiday season is the perfect time for all of us to lend a helping hand!

In the spirit of the season, please go to Amazon or Smashwords and buy Fly High! A Far-From-Typical Guide to Get Unstuck, Regain Hope, and Seek New Possibilities. Buy it for yourself or for someone who you think will benefit from the Fly-High Method. You’ll not only be contributing to a great cause, but you’ll also add a great book to your own self-help library, too! ?

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Our childhood affects us in seen and unseen ways. The circumstances in which we were born, how we were raised, how we were disciplined, and what we experienced during those early years shapes how we see the world—and essentially how we live our lives.

From a work perspective, our childhood influences what we do for a living, how we approach our work, and how we interact with those around us. That old programming runs deep inside our heads. Sometimes it impacts us in awesome ways. Other times, in very screwy ones.

For me, growing up very poor in a small town in Spain and having to mind the family cows in my early childhood affected me in good—and bad—ways. On the positive, it pushed me to work really hard—so I would never be poor again, propelling me to great career accomplishments. But, unfortunately, that drive also turned me into a workaholic.

In addition, when I was eight, my parents left me at a convent—for reasons unknown to me at the time—where I was physically and verbally abused messed with my head in many, MANY ways. It had me constantly worrying too much about what others thought of me, and worse, what they would do to me if they disapproved. This very challenging experience turned me into the perfectionist and people-pleaser.

5 Steps Toward Redirecting Our Childhood Programming

Workaholism, perfectionism, and caring too much about what others think are the traits I have carried with me into adulthood—and the stuff I battle to contain every day.

Our many experiences in childhood affect our inner programming for a long time—and that’s hard to purge. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to pause on a regular basis to assess how our childhood is affecting our feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and choices today.

We can do this by asking ourselves the following questions:

• How is my childhood showing up in my life right now?
• In what ways is it benefitting me?
• How can I maximize those benefits even more? 
• How is it holding me back?
• What can I do right now to let go of any old stuff I am still holding onto? 

Or, You Could Take an Immersive Journey Back to Your Childhood—Like I’m Doing

To help me gain clarity—and to (hopefully) purge some of that old programming, I am embarking on a trip back to my childhood; to that little town in northern Spain and the house where I lived with my best friends—the family’s cows.

And, and for the first time ever, I will be going back to the convent where my parents left me because they couldn’t initially afford to bring me with them to the United States.

This Trip Down Memory Lane Will Be a Challenge

This trip down memory lane comes with so many mixed feelings. I am excited to reconnect with my roots and the beautiful childhood memories I got from my loving cows. But I am also really anxious about all the dark emotions that will surface for me—especially at the convent.

I know that this trip is necessary. Honestly, I still cringe every time I see a nun, or whenever I think of that terrible chapter in my life. I can’t help but hold a grudge.

My goal for this journey—both physical and internal—is to let it go. And, hopefully, to forgive.

Follow Along! Let’s Look for Breakthroughs Together

I invite you to share this experience with me. My hope is that my trip back to my childhood inspires you to go back into yours—and to let go of whatever weighs you down—so you can FLY HIGH!

Follow me on all my social media platforms @flyhighmethod for pictures and videos of my experience.

The post How Does Your Childhood Affect Your Choices Today? appeared first on The Flying Cows.

Get your heart into the game. Here are five simple steps to help you uncover the all-important WHY you need to work on your personal growth.

1. Pause. Take 10 minutes alone, without your gadgets, and take a break from the rest of the world. Take a few deep breaths—and relax.

2. Headline what you are wishing to change. A bad habit that’s holding you back? Conquering self-doubt? Practicing more authenticity? Be super-clear about it.

3. Understand what is happening inside your head. What are all the good and logical reasons why it makes sense to change? What are the things you’ll tell yourself that will stop you from moving forward?

4. Emotionally connect to your WHY. Place a hand over your heart. With your eyes closed, come up with an emotional reason that overrides every reason your logic tells you why you shouldn’t do it. Don’t judge it; make it bold and powerful.

5. Display your WHY. Now that you have your WHY, place reminders of it everywhere you can—on the back of your phone, your bathroom mirror, at your desk. Never lose sight of that all-powerful, inspirational WHY you have committed to your own journey for personal growth and transformation.

The post 5 Steps to Finding Your WHY appeared first on The Flying Cows.

Committing to a personal growth project is a lot like working out: You need an inspiring reason WHY you should do it, or you won’t even get started—much less keep at it. Unless your heart rallies behind WHY you should change your life, your motivation will wane quickly. And you’ll just stay stuck.

It’s a fact that most New Year’s resolutions to exercise are broken within weeks. Why? Because they’re made with our brains, not our hearts. Our logic tells us we need to exercise to feel healthier and look better. And while that makes logical sense, it doesn’t necessarily motivate us to get off our butts and head to the gym—or even walk around the block. But, when we find an emotional connection to our fitness commitment, we suddenly become more inspired to lace-up those sneakers and get moving.

Your Inspiring Reason WHY Needs an Emotional Connection

Finding an emotional connection is a very personal thing. Each of us is different and our circumstances are unique. An inspiring WHY we should exercise will be different for each of us, based on we are in life. An emotional connection, therefore, is a personal matter. There should be no judgment; it’s whatever works for each of us.

Feeling confident when meeting a new someone might be a great WHY among those on the hunt for a new love. For others, being able to chase the kids (or grandkids) around without getting winded could be the ultimate reason WHY they work out.

When it comes to our personal growth, the process is exactly the same. For us to be successful in making a profound personal change, we need to have a very special reason WHY—or we will eventually slide back into our old, unfulfilling ways.

WHY Gives You the Courage to Change

Unless we have a great emotional connection to WHY we need to make major changes in our lives, chances are we will not.

You see, our brain is wired to resist change. It does so to protect us. The problem is that, in its effort to look after us, it can also sabotage us. Every time we are introduced to something new, our body gets excited and triggers alerts. It’s if you’re telling yourself, “Oh, here’s something I don’t recognize. That can’t be good.”

When that happens, our brains automatically signal us to pause. And what follows is all that negative mental chatter telling us why we shouldn’t make (or accept) change, why it won’t go well, and all the bad things that might happen if we do.

Why does an emotional connection work? Because the only thing that can override our brain is our heart. If our hearts can rally behind WHY we should change—and that reason is strong enough to overpower all the resistance from our brains—we stand a really good chance of success.

I rely on this technique every time I need to change something about myself. Once I identify what needs to be different, I find my inspiring WHY. And the bigger my resistance to do it, the bolder my WHY needs to be! The bigger the discomfort I know I will go through, the more compelling my WHY better be!

Here’s How I Have Used This Technique

I am a recovering workaholic. I have done a lot of personal analysis as to why I am wired this way and there are many compelling reasons. Some go back to being very poor as a child and never wanting to lack anything in life again. Other reasons are because my work was my escape from personal problems, I was ambitious, and I feared failure. The bottom line is that there is deep programming inside of me that has pushed me to work insane hours most of my life.

That wiring has been almost impossible for me to override on my own.

I tried everything I could think of to change my ways—and I always failed. I had to find a WHY that would be stronger than all the powerful programming that was pushing me to work the way I did. Logically, I knew I had to change, or I was going to get sick. But that didn’t matter. I still found myself working too hard and too long—so much so that it really did compromise my wellbeing.

After being in the hospital with nine different doctors working on my case, my most compelling WHY finally popped into my head. I realized I was going to die young—and wasn’t going to be able to finish raising my children—if I didn’t make myself a priority.

• Did my brain buy into this inspiring reason WHY? Yes—I was flat on my back in a hospital bed.
• Could my heart rally behind my WHY? Heck, yeah! I adore my two kids.

This emotional connection to WHY I had to change helped me transform what had remained unchangeable for decades. And it gave me back my life.

To make successful shifts in your own life, first, find an inspiring WHY. Make an emotional connection to it that will fuel your heart with the power to override your brain.

For more insights, check out, “5 Steps to Finding Your WHY.”

The post Put Your Heart Into the WHY You Need to Change appeared first on The Flying Cows.