“Nice Spanish girls don’t go away to college.”

“Nice Spanish girls don’t leave the family house before they get married.”

“Nice Spanish girls don’t get divorced.”

Those expectations were hammered into my head since childhood. I lived in a small community of Spaniards in Newark, New Jersey where everyone knew—and talked—about one another. My family always worried about “what would people say.” And that impacted me when it came to certain life decisions:

• I didn’t go away to college—even though the opportunities were there;
• I didn’t move out of my parents’ house until I got married—even though it would’ve been the best thing for me;
• I didn’t seek a divorce early in my marriage—even though I should have.

Instead, I behaved like a “nice Spanish girl”—even though those external expectations were not consistent with who I knew I was inside, or what I was certain was best for me.

This Nice Spanish Girl Finally Had to Said “No Mas”

While my family tried at all costs to stay away from the rumor mill, I eventually became the talk of the town when I finally asked my husband for a divorce after 23 years of marriage. His suicide, just a few weeks later, added grist—and those wagging tongues unleashed an unbearable hell on me. People blamed me for his choice. My reputation in the community was ripped to shreds. Vicious stories spread like wildfire and the heartache from it all nearly destroyed me.

I learned many lessons from that dark chapter. Most importantly, I learned that the belief systems we pick up from society, our culture, and even from those around us are very powerful. They can shape how we behave and the choices we make. Those “social standards” can have us hiding who we truly are—or living our lives based on how the world around us says we “should”—instead of being authentically aligned to our own values, standards, passions, gifts, and talents.

Work on Your Own Dos and Don’ts—Not Others’ Expectations

If we don’t challenge the belief systems we’re “supposed to” live by, we run the risk of missing opportunities to live in integrity—with our inner sense of self. Instead, too many of us go through life feeling unfulfilled—while fulfilling everyone else’s expectations.

What belief systems are you following that, instead of empowering you, are holding you back?

Remember, you have the power to challenge all the “rulebooks.” Even the ones your family passes down to you.

You can give yourself permission to reexamine what has been inculcated in your head about what is “important.” You have the freedom to abandon what society says you should do, or even what you should look like. When you give yourself license to dismiss public opinion, you become liberated from the shackles of those external models of dos and don’ts that enslave you—and hide the real you.

I Can Be My Own Version of a “Nice Spanish Girl”

Like you, I appreciate my family, culture, and heritage. But I have come to realize we don’t have to live by those expectations that aren’t consistent with who we really are.

You owe it to yourself to respectfully disregard any belief systems that have you hiding who your authentic self, and from making choices that are not based on what you believe is best for YOU.

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Learn more about Maria’s story—her challenges, triumphs, and the Fly-High Method she has developed to help you live a more authentic life. Check out her new book, “Fly High!” available on Amazon (and Kindle) and Smashwords.

The post “Nice Spanish Girls Don’t…” How to Flip the Focus and Just Do YOU appeared first on The Flying Cows.

Do you have a lot of friends—but when you need them the most, you find yourself alone? If so, it’s time to reconsider your relationships.

Think about who you spend the most time with: Family, friends, and coworkers. Do they add value to your life—and do you reciprocate? In a fly-high life, quality means much more than quantity. When it comes to your inner circle, you need to grow high-caliber relationships.

Take a Moment to Reflect Upon Your Relationships

You’ve heard the phrase, “You are judged by the company you keep.” It’s loosely attributed to Aesop, the Bible, and my grandmother—who always said:

“Show me who you spend time with and I’ll show you what you’ll turn into.”

Our elders often used that saying to limit our circle of friends when we were teenagers. I resented it back then. But today, I can’t blame them for creating boundaries. I now also realize the truth of what they were trying to tell me: We are a reflection of our friends. If they’re mean, judgmental and gossipy—we will be, too. At the very least, we’ll allow ourselves to get caught up in their drama.

Is that healthy? Does it add value—to anything?

It might be time to take an inventory of each relationship and how it makes you feel. Are your friends’ and relatives’ intentions authentic and transparent? Are they supportive, understanding, and nurturing? Do you feel the same about them?

If you’re feeling stuck, it might be because of relationship problems.

Nurture a Healthy Relationship with Yourself and Protect Your Personal Space

If you’ve ever felt a tinge of toxicity among friends, you might need to rethink them. You have free choice—and you’re allowed to be selective about with whom you spend your valuable time. You have the power to decide who deserves to be in your life, who’s allowed to influence how you feel, and what you think and do.

How do you get there? Start by developing a healthy and strong relationship with yourself; one in which your personal space is sacred. Take all that power back from those who’ve sapped it and left you empty. Then, carefully select only those people who treat you with respect, dignity, and positivity to join your inner circle. Your highest-caliber relationships will start evolving naturally when you honor your personal space.

3 Types of High-Caliber Relationships

There are three categories that can define our most positive relationships: “Door Openers,” “Guiding Lights,” and “Safety Nets.”

• “Door Openers” are the people who take chances on us and are willing to put themselves and their reputation out there to help us find important opportunities.
• “Guiding Lights” are there for us when we feel overwhelmed and need perspective. They show up when we need their sage advice.
• “Safey Nets” are special people; they’re hard to come by. They’re the ones who extend a hand, willingly and lovingly, to help us get through those inevitable rough patches in life.

Remember, too, that to get high-caliber relationships, you have to be willing to give high-caliber relationships back. It’s a two-way street—and there’s a lot of driving! Be proactive in nurturing these relationships, so they’ll be there for you when you need them most. Think of this give-and-take as if your soul is a well—filling up with laughter, love, and positivity while enabling others to dip into your supply for their happiness, too.

When we proactively nurture these friendships across our professional, personal, social, and spiritual relationships, the quality of our own lives will be elevated significantly.

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Need help developing a daily practice for determining and nurturing high-caliber relationships? Learn more—and take a guided visualization with Ave, the most loving of the 7 Flying Cows—in “Fly High!” available now through Amazon and Smashwords.

The post 3 High-Caliber Relationships That Matter Most appeared first on The Flying Cows.

By Maria Rivera

Life is full of highs and lows. The Fly-High Method can’t protect you from the occasional rough landing. But it can give you wings—so you can take flight again right away.

That’s why I value the Method’s seven practices and use them in my day-to-day. I’m only human; I’m fallible. But I know I have the tools to bounce back quickly when things get me down. That’s why I want to share them with you, too.

Here’s a recent example—and an a-ha moment.

Life’s Highs and Lows are Bound to Happen

Last week, I found myself enjoying a BIG HIGH, followed by a QUICK LOW.

It was inevitable. As I get closer to my book’s September 10 publication date, my emotions have been on a wild rollercoaster ride. On the peaks, I find excitement and pride that this climb upward toward the infinite sky seems 100% worth it.

But on the low end, as I come hurtling back down to earth, I encounter debilitating anxiety from the realization that I’ve taken such a huge step in my life.

Holding a sample copy of my book for the first time, last week, was one of the highest peaks I’ve experienced in a long time. The only way I can explain the feeling is to compare it to when I first held each of my children after giving birth. I remember not being able to stop looking at them; checking their little nose, mouth, eyes, fingers, and toes in awe and amazement. Examining my new book was very similar. I went through it, page-by-page, paying attention to all the small details. I found myself in sheer disbelief that it was real and that it came out of me.

But while I was on an incredible high that moment, self-doubt and vulnerability crept in around the edges. I started having thoughts like, “How will people react to it?” “Will I be judged?” “What will readers think about the cows?” “…will they think I’ve lost my mind?”

And, importantly, “What if the book doesn’t have the positive impact I hope it will?”

…What if the wheels fall off this rollercoaster?

Facing All Those Highs and Lows, I Needed to Practice What I Teach

In the past, an episode of self-doubt like this would have escalated to full-blown fear. I would’ve been paralyzed by it. Or, I would have been stuck in a tizzy that could last for days or weeks.

Instead, I took a deep breath and went through the practices of the Fly-High Method:

F   Flip the focus inward and challenge external models of “dos” and “don’ts.”

L   Listen to your heart. It’s hungry for attention.

Y   Yank the plug on your “itty-bitty-shitty committee.”

H   Honor the light within yourself.

I    Inspire your inner child to come out and play.

G   Grow high-caliber relationships. They matter!

H   Help others soar higher.

Within an hour, I was back on track—feeling good about myself and my exciting future.

“Yank the Plug…”

While its essential to consistently use every practice, you’ll see that one or two have relevance in the face of a particular situation. In this instance, Practice #3 was essential for me. I had to tune out all that internal negativity; to yank the plug on what I call my “itty-bitty-shitty committee.”

Our thoughts have a direct impact on how we go about our lives. If negative rants go unaddressed, they have the power to become detrimental to our happiness and wellbeing. To quickly clean that muck out of my head, I focused on each negative thought that came to mind. I acknowledged them and thanked them for reminding me of the risk I’m taking. Then, I laughed at the notion that, in another time and place, I might’ve just gone shopping to drown out the noise from my “committee.”

It’s important to find lightness in the situation; to remove the heaviness. As my third cow, Terra, reminds us,

Taming the negative talk in your head is best handled gently—with gratitude, laughter, and a genuine willingness to let go of what isn’t serving you well.”

We are only human. Life will get under our skin from time to time and we may hit those highs and lows with some regularity. Having the tools to help ourselves achieve liftoff after a stormy rough patch, however, is vital to our mental and physical health.

—

—POSTSCRIPT—

While I was having my short-lived tizzy last week, an email came in from a perfect stranger. She said that she didn’t know who I was, but that the cows attracted her. She wrote that her daughter had passed away recently and that she had loved cows. Seeing all the great artwork on our social media posts gave her a sense of peace. Her email did the same for me—and gave me the validation I needed to hear.

Learn more about my magical flying cows—and the seven practices of the Fly-High Method—in my new book. Get on the VIP list and reserve your copy today (no purchase necessary!): https://theflyingcows.com/reserve-your-book/

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