While the scars on the outside did get better, inside I still felt ugly and different. The urge to cover up when I catch people staring at me has been hard to beat. Reading “Jo Dares to Be Different” pushed buttons in me that needed to be pushed—so much so that I took the invitation to “Come as You REALLY are” to heart and wore a tank top to dinner and didn’t do a single thing to hide my scars.

The uncomfortable looks were there. But unlike other times, I just smiled and carried on. And surprisingly, people smiled back. It has been two weeks since I read the book and I have been wearing tank tops ever since. I highly recommend this book to anyone who feels insecure and needs to be dared to OWN IT!

The post Finding the Confidence to Be “Different”—at Any Age appeared first on The Flying Cows.

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Ashley was only four years old when she died. Her parents thought she had the flu. And, since they didn’t have the means to pay for a doctor, they treated her symptoms by giving her home remedies. But it wasn’t the flu; it was meningitis. By the time they got her to a hospital, it was too late.

I’ve gone through a lot in my life. But nothing prepared me for what I witnessed while volunteering in Manila. Part of my plan was to help fund programs for sick children in impoverished sections of the capital city and in rural provinces hours away from East Ave. Medical Center.

“What Have I Gotten Myself Into?”

I came across so many heartbreaking cases on that mission to the Philippines. But Ashley’s story hit some really deep chords.

My colleagues told me that I should go to “the viewing.” In my naivety, I assumed it was the typical funeral-home setting where people pay last respects to the family, say a prayer, and move on. But I was in for a real shock.

I got the first hunch that this was going to be different when I was told that I wouldn’t be picked up until around midnight. While the location wasn’t far away, we needed to wait until traffic subsided or we would be stuck for hours.

It was pouring rain when the car picked me up, and the driving conditions were treacherous. We had been traveling through the slums of Manila for about 30 minutes when we came to an abrupt stop in front of a dark alleyway, and the driver announced that we had to make the rest of our journey by foot.

All sorts of thoughts started going through my head at that moment: “Are you really going to walk through a dark alley at this hour of the night?” “Have you lost your mind?” “You’ve done it this time—I can just see the headlines: ‘American missing in Manila without a trace.’”

As the “itty-bitty-shitty committee” in my head kept yelling at me for what my brain called “an insane move,” I noticed a distant light. My inner rant quieted as I tried to make sense of what was in front of us. But, I couldn’t. It was like nothing I had ever seen before—not even in the movies.

A Family’s Resourcefulness in the Face of Abject Grief

Before me was a shack with no door. The dim light I had seen in the distance came from a candelabra borrowed from the local church. A small, white plastic casket sat on the ground with a picture of a beautiful little girl sitting on top. Ashley had a playful smile and a twinkle in her eye that hinted at a touch of mischief. Buckets catching the rain leaking through the roof covered most of the floor, and about a dozen plastic chairs were set up in rows in front of the casket. Ashley’s parents and a grandmother sat on the first row, hunched over with blank stares of pure shock. Two small children slept laying across two chairs against the wall.

But what really caught my attention was the scene outside the shack. There was a tarp that hung across the road. Underneath it, there were tables with dozens of people playing cards.

I couldn’t understand how these two scenes came together. I guess my look of bewilderment was so obvious that someone finally pulled me aside and explained that when people don’t have money to bury their loved ones, they host gambling parties. The winner donates part of the winnings toward the funeral costs. Sometimes, I was told, it takes weeks before a family can raise enough cash.

As I walked back to the car, I was in awe as to how resourceful humans are and how we manage to persevere even during the hardest and most painful times in our lives. But, as a mother, my heart ached for this grieving family. I couldn’t imagine the pain they were going through—and the helplessness they must have felt for not having enough money put their child to rest. With tears in my eyes, and a heart full of gratitude for the life I get to live, I decided to reach into my own pocket to pay for the burial of this little angel.

During that mission to the Philippines, I learned many lessons that have been life-altering. I also gained perspective that shaped my thinking and gave me context for Practice #7 of the Fly-High Method, Help Others Soar Higher. I firmly believe that, in order to reach our fullest potential in life, we must be willing to make a difference in the lives of others.

Will You Help Me Help Others in the Philippines Soar Higher?

In honor of Ashley—and all the sick children and families I served while volunteering in Manila—I am donating all proceeds from the sale of my book this month to programs in the Philippines that help sick children who are stuck in poverty.

This holiday season is the perfect time for all of us to lend a helping hand!

In the spirit of the season, please go to Amazon or Smashwords and buy Fly High! A Far-From-Typical Guide to Get Unstuck, Regain Hope, and Seek New Possibilities. Buy it for yourself or for someone who you think will benefit from the Fly-High Method. You’ll not only be contributing to a great cause, but you’ll also add a great book to your own self-help library, too! ?

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“Nice Spanish girls don’t go away to college.”

“Nice Spanish girls don’t leave the family house before they get married.”

“Nice Spanish girls don’t get divorced.”

Those expectations were hammered into my head since childhood. I lived in a small community of Spaniards in Newark, New Jersey where everyone knew—and talked—about one another. My family always worried about “what would people say.” And that impacted me when it came to certain life decisions:

• I didn’t go away to college—even though the opportunities were there;
• I didn’t move out of my parents’ house until I got married—even though it would’ve been the best thing for me;
• I didn’t seek a divorce early in my marriage—even though I should have.

Instead, I behaved like a “nice Spanish girl”—even though those external expectations were not consistent with who I knew I was inside, or what I was certain was best for me.

This Nice Spanish Girl Finally Had to Said “No Mas”

While my family tried at all costs to stay away from the rumor mill, I eventually became the talk of the town when I finally asked my husband for a divorce after 23 years of marriage. His suicide, just a few weeks later, added grist—and those wagging tongues unleashed an unbearable hell on me. People blamed me for his choice. My reputation in the community was ripped to shreds. Vicious stories spread like wildfire and the heartache from it all nearly destroyed me.

I learned many lessons from that dark chapter. Most importantly, I learned that the belief systems we pick up from society, our culture, and even from those around us are very powerful. They can shape how we behave and the choices we make. Those “social standards” can have us hiding who we truly are—or living our lives based on how the world around us says we “should”—instead of being authentically aligned to our own values, standards, passions, gifts, and talents.

Work on Your Own Dos and Don’ts—Not Others’ Expectations

If we don’t challenge the belief systems we’re “supposed to” live by, we run the risk of missing opportunities to live in integrity—with our inner sense of self. Instead, too many of us go through life feeling unfulfilled—while fulfilling everyone else’s expectations.

What belief systems are you following that, instead of empowering you, are holding you back?

Remember, you have the power to challenge all the “rulebooks.” Even the ones your family passes down to you.

You can give yourself permission to reexamine what has been inculcated in your head about what is “important.” You have the freedom to abandon what society says you should do, or even what you should look like. When you give yourself license to dismiss public opinion, you become liberated from the shackles of those external models of dos and don’ts that enslave you—and hide the real you.

I Can Be My Own Version of a “Nice Spanish Girl”

Like you, I appreciate my family, culture, and heritage. But I have come to realize we don’t have to live by those expectations that aren’t consistent with who we really are.

You owe it to yourself to respectfully disregard any belief systems that have you hiding who your authentic self, and from making choices that are not based on what you believe is best for YOU.

_______

Learn more about Maria’s story—her challenges, triumphs, and the Fly-High Method she has developed to help you live a more authentic life. Check out her new book, “Fly High!” available on Amazon (and Kindle) and Smashwords.

The post “Nice Spanish Girls Don’t…” How to Flip the Focus and Just Do YOU appeared first on The Flying Cows.

Our childhood affects us in seen and unseen ways. The circumstances in which we were born, how we were raised, how we were disciplined, and what we experienced during those early years shapes how we see the world—and essentially how we live our lives.

From a work perspective, our childhood influences what we do for a living, how we approach our work, and how we interact with those around us. That old programming runs deep inside our heads. Sometimes it impacts us in awesome ways. Other times, in very screwy ones.

For me, growing up very poor in a small town in Spain and having to mind the family cows in my early childhood affected me in good—and bad—ways. On the positive, it pushed me to work really hard—so I would never be poor again, propelling me to great career accomplishments. But, unfortunately, that drive also turned me into a workaholic.

In addition, when I was eight, my parents left me at a convent—for reasons unknown to me at the time—where I was physically and verbally abused messed with my head in many, MANY ways. It had me constantly worrying too much about what others thought of me, and worse, what they would do to me if they disapproved. This very challenging experience turned me into the perfectionist and people-pleaser.

5 Steps Toward Redirecting Our Childhood Programming

Workaholism, perfectionism, and caring too much about what others think are the traits I have carried with me into adulthood—and the stuff I battle to contain every day.

Our many experiences in childhood affect our inner programming for a long time—and that’s hard to purge. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to pause on a regular basis to assess how our childhood is affecting our feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and choices today.

We can do this by asking ourselves the following questions:

• How is my childhood showing up in my life right now?
• In what ways is it benefitting me?
• How can I maximize those benefits even more? 
• How is it holding me back?
• What can I do right now to let go of any old stuff I am still holding onto? 

Or, You Could Take an Immersive Journey Back to Your Childhood—Like I’m Doing

To help me gain clarity—and to (hopefully) purge some of that old programming, I am embarking on a trip back to my childhood; to that little town in northern Spain and the house where I lived with my best friends—the family’s cows.

And, and for the first time ever, I will be going back to the convent where my parents left me because they couldn’t initially afford to bring me with them to the United States.

This Trip Down Memory Lane Will Be a Challenge

This trip down memory lane comes with so many mixed feelings. I am excited to reconnect with my roots and the beautiful childhood memories I got from my loving cows. But I am also really anxious about all the dark emotions that will surface for me—especially at the convent.

I know that this trip is necessary. Honestly, I still cringe every time I see a nun, or whenever I think of that terrible chapter in my life. I can’t help but hold a grudge.

My goal for this journey—both physical and internal—is to let it go. And, hopefully, to forgive.

Follow Along! Let’s Look for Breakthroughs Together

I invite you to share this experience with me. My hope is that my trip back to my childhood inspires you to go back into yours—and to let go of whatever weighs you down—so you can FLY HIGH!

Follow me on all my social media platforms @flyhighmethod for pictures and videos of my experience.

The post How Does Your Childhood Affect Your Choices Today? appeared first on The Flying Cows.

Get your heart into the game. Here are five simple steps to help you uncover the all-important WHY you need to work on your personal growth.

1. Pause. Take 10 minutes alone, without your gadgets, and take a break from the rest of the world. Take a few deep breaths—and relax.

2. Headline what you are wishing to change. A bad habit that’s holding you back? Conquering self-doubt? Practicing more authenticity? Be super-clear about it.

3. Understand what is happening inside your head. What are all the good and logical reasons why it makes sense to change? What are the things you’ll tell yourself that will stop you from moving forward?

4. Emotionally connect to your WHY. Place a hand over your heart. With your eyes closed, come up with an emotional reason that overrides every reason your logic tells you why you shouldn’t do it. Don’t judge it; make it bold and powerful.

5. Display your WHY. Now that you have your WHY, place reminders of it everywhere you can—on the back of your phone, your bathroom mirror, at your desk. Never lose sight of that all-powerful, inspirational WHY you have committed to your own journey for personal growth and transformation.

The post 5 Steps to Finding Your WHY appeared first on The Flying Cows.

Committing to a personal growth project is a lot like working out: You need an inspiring reason WHY you should do it, or you won’t even get started—much less keep at it. Unless your heart rallies behind WHY you should change your life, your motivation will wane quickly. And you’ll just stay stuck.

It’s a fact that most New Year’s resolutions to exercise are broken within weeks. Why? Because they’re made with our brains, not our hearts. Our logic tells us we need to exercise to feel healthier and look better. And while that makes logical sense, it doesn’t necessarily motivate us to get off our butts and head to the gym—or even walk around the block. But, when we find an emotional connection to our fitness commitment, we suddenly become more inspired to lace-up those sneakers and get moving.

Your Inspiring Reason WHY Needs an Emotional Connection

Finding an emotional connection is a very personal thing. Each of us is different and our circumstances are unique. An inspiring WHY we should exercise will be different for each of us, based on we are in life. An emotional connection, therefore, is a personal matter. There should be no judgment; it’s whatever works for each of us.

Feeling confident when meeting a new someone might be a great WHY among those on the hunt for a new love. For others, being able to chase the kids (or grandkids) around without getting winded could be the ultimate reason WHY they work out.

When it comes to our personal growth, the process is exactly the same. For us to be successful in making a profound personal change, we need to have a very special reason WHY—or we will eventually slide back into our old, unfulfilling ways.

WHY Gives You the Courage to Change

Unless we have a great emotional connection to WHY we need to make major changes in our lives, chances are we will not.

You see, our brain is wired to resist change. It does so to protect us. The problem is that, in its effort to look after us, it can also sabotage us. Every time we are introduced to something new, our body gets excited and triggers alerts. It’s if you’re telling yourself, “Oh, here’s something I don’t recognize. That can’t be good.”

When that happens, our brains automatically signal us to pause. And what follows is all that negative mental chatter telling us why we shouldn’t make (or accept) change, why it won’t go well, and all the bad things that might happen if we do.

Why does an emotional connection work? Because the only thing that can override our brain is our heart. If our hearts can rally behind WHY we should change—and that reason is strong enough to overpower all the resistance from our brains—we stand a really good chance of success.

I rely on this technique every time I need to change something about myself. Once I identify what needs to be different, I find my inspiring WHY. And the bigger my resistance to do it, the bolder my WHY needs to be! The bigger the discomfort I know I will go through, the more compelling my WHY better be!

Here’s How I Have Used This Technique

I am a recovering workaholic. I have done a lot of personal analysis as to why I am wired this way and there are many compelling reasons. Some go back to being very poor as a child and never wanting to lack anything in life again. Other reasons are because my work was my escape from personal problems, I was ambitious, and I feared failure. The bottom line is that there is deep programming inside of me that has pushed me to work insane hours most of my life.

That wiring has been almost impossible for me to override on my own.

I tried everything I could think of to change my ways—and I always failed. I had to find a WHY that would be stronger than all the powerful programming that was pushing me to work the way I did. Logically, I knew I had to change, or I was going to get sick. But that didn’t matter. I still found myself working too hard and too long—so much so that it really did compromise my wellbeing.

After being in the hospital with nine different doctors working on my case, my most compelling WHY finally popped into my head. I realized I was going to die young—and wasn’t going to be able to finish raising my children—if I didn’t make myself a priority.

• Did my brain buy into this inspiring reason WHY? Yes—I was flat on my back in a hospital bed.
• Could my heart rally behind my WHY? Heck, yeah! I adore my two kids.

This emotional connection to WHY I had to change helped me transform what had remained unchangeable for decades. And it gave me back my life.

To make successful shifts in your own life, first, find an inspiring WHY. Make an emotional connection to it that will fuel your heart with the power to override your brain.

For more insights, check out, “5 Steps to Finding Your WHY.”

The post Put Your Heart Into the WHY You Need to Change appeared first on The Flying Cows.

Do you have a lot of friends—but when you need them the most, you find yourself alone? If so, it’s time to reconsider your relationships.

Think about who you spend the most time with: Family, friends, and coworkers. Do they add value to your life—and do you reciprocate? In a fly-high life, quality means much more than quantity. When it comes to your inner circle, you need to grow high-caliber relationships.

Take a Moment to Reflect Upon Your Relationships

You’ve heard the phrase, “You are judged by the company you keep.” It’s loosely attributed to Aesop, the Bible, and my grandmother—who always said:

“Show me who you spend time with and I’ll show you what you’ll turn into.”

Our elders often used that saying to limit our circle of friends when we were teenagers. I resented it back then. But today, I can’t blame them for creating boundaries. I now also realize the truth of what they were trying to tell me: We are a reflection of our friends. If they’re mean, judgmental and gossipy—we will be, too. At the very least, we’ll allow ourselves to get caught up in their drama.

Is that healthy? Does it add value—to anything?

It might be time to take an inventory of each relationship and how it makes you feel. Are your friends’ and relatives’ intentions authentic and transparent? Are they supportive, understanding, and nurturing? Do you feel the same about them?

If you’re feeling stuck, it might be because of relationship problems.

Nurture a Healthy Relationship with Yourself and Protect Your Personal Space

If you’ve ever felt a tinge of toxicity among friends, you might need to rethink them. You have free choice—and you’re allowed to be selective about with whom you spend your valuable time. You have the power to decide who deserves to be in your life, who’s allowed to influence how you feel, and what you think and do.

How do you get there? Start by developing a healthy and strong relationship with yourself; one in which your personal space is sacred. Take all that power back from those who’ve sapped it and left you empty. Then, carefully select only those people who treat you with respect, dignity, and positivity to join your inner circle. Your highest-caliber relationships will start evolving naturally when you honor your personal space.

3 Types of High-Caliber Relationships

There are three categories that can define our most positive relationships: “Door Openers,” “Guiding Lights,” and “Safety Nets.”

• “Door Openers” are the people who take chances on us and are willing to put themselves and their reputation out there to help us find important opportunities.
• “Guiding Lights” are there for us when we feel overwhelmed and need perspective. They show up when we need their sage advice.
• “Safey Nets” are special people; they’re hard to come by. They’re the ones who extend a hand, willingly and lovingly, to help us get through those inevitable rough patches in life.

Remember, too, that to get high-caliber relationships, you have to be willing to give high-caliber relationships back. It’s a two-way street—and there’s a lot of driving! Be proactive in nurturing these relationships, so they’ll be there for you when you need them most. Think of this give-and-take as if your soul is a well—filling up with laughter, love, and positivity while enabling others to dip into your supply for their happiness, too.

When we proactively nurture these friendships across our professional, personal, social, and spiritual relationships, the quality of our own lives will be elevated significantly.

______________

Need help developing a daily practice for determining and nurturing high-caliber relationships? Learn more—and take a guided visualization with Ave, the most loving of the 7 Flying Cows—in “Fly High!” available now through Amazon and Smashwords.

The post 3 High-Caliber Relationships That Matter Most appeared first on The Flying Cows.

By Maria Rivera

Life is full of highs and lows. The Fly-High Method can’t protect you from the occasional rough landing. But it can give you wings—so you can take flight again right away.

That’s why I value the Method’s seven practices and use them in my day-to-day. I’m only human; I’m fallible. But I know I have the tools to bounce back quickly when things get me down. That’s why I want to share them with you, too.

Here’s a recent example—and an a-ha moment.

Life’s Highs and Lows are Bound to Happen

Last week, I found myself enjoying a BIG HIGH, followed by a QUICK LOW.

It was inevitable. As I get closer to my book’s September 10 publication date, my emotions have been on a wild rollercoaster ride. On the peaks, I find excitement and pride that this climb upward toward the infinite sky seems 100% worth it.

But on the low end, as I come hurtling back down to earth, I encounter debilitating anxiety from the realization that I’ve taken such a huge step in my life.

Holding a sample copy of my book for the first time, last week, was one of the highest peaks I’ve experienced in a long time. The only way I can explain the feeling is to compare it to when I first held each of my children after giving birth. I remember not being able to stop looking at them; checking their little nose, mouth, eyes, fingers, and toes in awe and amazement. Examining my new book was very similar. I went through it, page-by-page, paying attention to all the small details. I found myself in sheer disbelief that it was real and that it came out of me.

But while I was on an incredible high that moment, self-doubt and vulnerability crept in around the edges. I started having thoughts like, “How will people react to it?” “Will I be judged?” “What will readers think about the cows?” “…will they think I’ve lost my mind?”

And, importantly, “What if the book doesn’t have the positive impact I hope it will?”

…What if the wheels fall off this rollercoaster?

Facing All Those Highs and Lows, I Needed to Practice What I Teach

In the past, an episode of self-doubt like this would have escalated to full-blown fear. I would’ve been paralyzed by it. Or, I would have been stuck in a tizzy that could last for days or weeks.

Instead, I took a deep breath and went through the practices of the Fly-High Method:

F   Flip the focus inward and challenge external models of “dos” and “don’ts.”

L   Listen to your heart. It’s hungry for attention.

Y   Yank the plug on your “itty-bitty-shitty committee.”

H   Honor the light within yourself.

I    Inspire your inner child to come out and play.

G   Grow high-caliber relationships. They matter!

H   Help others soar higher.

Within an hour, I was back on track—feeling good about myself and my exciting future.

“Yank the Plug…”

While its essential to consistently use every practice, you’ll see that one or two have relevance in the face of a particular situation. In this instance, Practice #3 was essential for me. I had to tune out all that internal negativity; to yank the plug on what I call my “itty-bitty-shitty committee.”

Our thoughts have a direct impact on how we go about our lives. If negative rants go unaddressed, they have the power to become detrimental to our happiness and wellbeing. To quickly clean that muck out of my head, I focused on each negative thought that came to mind. I acknowledged them and thanked them for reminding me of the risk I’m taking. Then, I laughed at the notion that, in another time and place, I might’ve just gone shopping to drown out the noise from my “committee.”

It’s important to find lightness in the situation; to remove the heaviness. As my third cow, Terra, reminds us,

Taming the negative talk in your head is best handled gently—with gratitude, laughter, and a genuine willingness to let go of what isn’t serving you well.”

We are only human. Life will get under our skin from time to time and we may hit those highs and lows with some regularity. Having the tools to help ourselves achieve liftoff after a stormy rough patch, however, is vital to our mental and physical health.

—

—POSTSCRIPT—

While I was having my short-lived tizzy last week, an email came in from a perfect stranger. She said that she didn’t know who I was, but that the cows attracted her. She wrote that her daughter had passed away recently and that she had loved cows. Seeing all the great artwork on our social media posts gave her a sense of peace. Her email did the same for me—and gave me the validation I needed to hear.

Learn more about my magical flying cows—and the seven practices of the Fly-High Method—in my new book. Get on the VIP list and reserve your copy today (no purchase necessary!): https://theflyingcows.com/reserve-your-book/

The post How the Fly-High Method Helps Me Navigate Life’s Highs and Lows appeared first on The Flying Cows.

Cows—as crime-stoppers? You bet. They know trouble when they see, or smell, it.

Earlier this month, a herd of cattle chased a suspected car thief through its Florida pasture, then cornered her. A sheriff’s department helicopter equipped with a night-vision camera caught the whole scene: The crazy-crisscrossing culprit and the galloping (sometimes charging) images of the cows and calves herding the human.

One big gal got so close that it seemed she might trample the suspect. Then, just as quickly, she juked off at the last second.

“A herd of cattle provided law enforcement a big assist, repeatedly following and helping corral one who strayed on to their turf!” the Seminole County Sheriff’s Office captioned the recording.

At the edge of the field, the suspect seemed all too happy to climb under the fence and into a comfortable pair of handcuffs.

Newscasters pointed out that there were calves among the cows; maybe they were just trying to protect their offspring from some sense of threat.

It’s true, mama cows are deeply maternal—attentive and loving parents—that also help their fellow mom-cows when needed.

But that’s only part of the story. Researchers say that cows are intelligent and emotionally complex. They’re friendly to humans who are friendly to them. Generally, while there’s a lot going on in their giant heads, they’re lovers of peace and tranquility, as DH Lawrence noted about his favorite cow, Susan. But they also can hold grudges against aggressive people and cows—anyone or anything that treats them badly. They remember the bad incidents and react as most humans would in stressful, dangerous situations.

Capable of smelling things six miles away, they certainly knew something stinky was in their field. (Or, maybe it was the backpack full of cocaine they left behind in the stolen car?). Plus, with nearly 360-degree panoramic vision, they may just be the perfect crime-stoppers.

It’s not often that cows make the daily moos, er, news, but this story made everyone take note. Wonder if these delightful cow crime-stoppers will get a commendation.

The post Cows Can Help You Soar. And Fight Crime. appeared first on The Flying Cows.